Dikshant has been suffering from a host of illusions lately...the biggest one is that of prof. cpc being centrist! hah! what a joke!
also i find it strange that he was surprised at what papers have to say about capital account convertibility...did he expect anything different??? people who make sense are always up against a tide...
let capital account convertibility be for the time being...i've had an overdose of it already...
a lot of issues have been eatin right into my brain...infact i've been so consumed by them that i no longer notice the split ends in my unweildy hair, my burgeoning waistline and my very snappy attitude ( forgive me...those who have been victimized).
to begin with it has been made evident to me that i'm not such a sensational singer after all(sigh). after all those years of singin along with morrisette, ethridge, joplin, the non-blondes ( whats up is the song for the moment), seger, rem, oasis, hetfield (yes believe it or not), morrissey, morrisson; and hundreds of stage performances enacted in front of the mirror...my glittering hopes have been broken into unrecognizable little pieces *holds back her tears*....
i have also realized that i will never find the time with a course like mine to learn bharatnatyam or any other form of serious dance...
22 is a scary age. all those dreams you thought u had time for suddenly become out of reach. and to top it all they are brutally replaced by the worrisome thoughts of responsibilities you are to be burdened with and the fact that you will soon have to earn your living...
but this is not the end. the abovementioned are just a few dreams that have been striked off a long list on which the remaining 'things to be done' sound slightly less ambitious. i hope that in future i find the time and the means to paint ( like van gogh may i add), pursue photography, do a little bit of theatre (was going to be striked off but then i thought i could make it happen..in a small way perhaps), master a sport, do a lot of trekking, rafting, climbing and camping...
maybe i shall break this inertia and find the time, maybe i shall continue letting go of my little dreams as years go by. i have just realized that the latter is more painful and that should provide the stimulus to stop daydreaming and start living...
1 comment:
i guess seeing our dreams and hobbies,passions whatever u call it slipping away thru our fingers is something that we all come to realize at some point or another.when u\'re a kid you are full of many hjopes and aspirations no matter whether they might be as far out as being the next tendulkar or being an astronaut or whatever,its something that you cling on to.slowly as you grow up and mature(we are of course led to belive that rubbishing far out dreams and maturity are the same thing
)you begin to lose out these passions or hopes that you hold dear.and now we have reached a stage that we can actually count all the things that we like to do or hobbies that we follow. it is at this time that you start to panic when you realize that you dont have any passions or aspirations left except for a few.
i am a big comic book collector and also love collecting japanese anime movies.but now whenever i reach out to buy one i think-\" i am joining a b-skool in a couple of weeks,will i really get time to do all this there.what is the point might as well let ig go now itself.\" and then somehow i pull myself back and vow to keep atleast these few things with me always.
these idiosyncrasies or aspirations that we harbour might be what some consider to be the last signs of creativity or genuineness left in us. they are the last few pure things left in us,things apart from money or sex that actually give us pleasure. and it is a kind of indulgement that is in some ways purer than the rest.the last semblances of simplicity left in a life hollowed out by the corporate ,dog eat dog world we all live in-whether we despise it or love it is another issue.
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